Its not a holiday
by shishiwastaken
Summary: There are plenty of mentionable days in the hobbit and even more in our world but rarely do the cross over. That doesn't mean we forget them or what they mean. Thia's take on 9/11.


**DISCLAIMER: Let's get this out of the way. I do not own or have any hope of ever owning the characters or happenings of middle earth. They belong to Tolkien and as far as I'm concerned he can keep them. For now. I do however, own my OC, Thia! So don't steal her. Please, feel free to leave any comments and/or questions that you may have. Follow the story in which ever way you would like, but make your thoughts known but be polite while you do it. Thank you!**

* * *

 _ **It's not a holiday**_

"What are ye lookin' for?"

My attention is torn from the darkened tree tops by the surprisingly gentle voice of Dwalin. Mirkwood is quiet, eerily so, but it's been that way since we entered. I'd forgotten to turn my phone off earlier when I was looking at pictures of my family and meant to do so as we all bedded down for the night. The date stopped me however. ' _September 11._ ' A heavy time for my country, especially my city. Dwalin shuffles his feet and I know he is waiting for an answer. It is late and although I knew someone was on watch, I didn't think they'd be paying any real attention to me. I stare up into the trees again, knowing that even if they weren't there, the beacons wouldn't be visible from worlds away.

"I'm not really looking for anything."

"Yer eyes have been searchin' those trees all night, lass."

"Yeah…" I give in with a sigh "I guess they have."

"Has yer gift made you expect something will happen tonight?" he cautiously asks

"No. No, its just…" I manage a small smile but it fools neither of us "I can't believe I forgot what today is."

"Oh?" I can hear the tension ease out of his voice "and what marks today as important?"

"Talkative tonight, aren't you?" he snorts and turns away from me but I'm fully awake and unable to sleep "I'll tell you if you'd like."

"Do what ye want." Is his gruff reply

Accepting that as the only encouragement I will receive, I rise from my place on the ground and go sit beside him. Resting my back against the tree I sigh deeply and look up into the sky again. Where do you start with a story like this? It's one thing to get involved in the trials of this world but it feels so different to have them know of mine. What would they say? What COULD they say? My dwarves have long since become more than characters in a story but my world has still been the 'real' world and the problems seem so much worse.

"I'm not from around here, Dwalin. You know that."

"Aye." He agrees, settling into place "Yer nothing like any lass I've met before."

"Mmmm. Well, where I'm from it's way different than around here." I run my fingers through my hair, pulling at my hand when it snags "There are no dragons or orcs. No wizards and wargs. No elves-"

"I like the sound of that."

"No dwarves."

"… Then there are only men." I hum a low confirmation as one of the sleeping dwarves turns over with a snore "It must be a peaceful place to live solely amongst your own."

"Sometimes. Sometimes it great." I huff out a laugh, thinking of the all the wonderful things of my home "When we work together it's amazing. You should see all the creations and technology and convinces. This trip could have taken mere hours if we had half as much here as we do there. It's great most of the time."

"And when its not?" he easily picked up on the bitterness in my voice. He is Balin brother after all "What about when its not great?"

"We can plant a forest or tear one down upon our heads I suppose. When it's good, its great. But when it's bad…. It's horrible." I kick the rocks at my feet loose and pick a few up. One by one, I throw them into the silent distance "We are constantly at war with each other. I don't think I've lived a year without one."

"And yet you can not wield a weapon" he graciously points out, ignoring my indignant pout "How are you surrounded by war, but free from it?"

"My country is strong and keeps us safe for the most part. I believe that, truthfully I do. For all it's faults, life could easily be worse. My land is also heavy handed and unfair and controlling. I'm not naive enough to deny that. Because of this and other reasons, wars with other countries aren't fought on our soil." I look up into the trees again before shaking my head "At least… not usually."

"But there was a time that it was." He answers in understanding, searching the trees with me "What has it to do with the trees?"

"Nothing at all. It's the sky I'm looking at."

"And what will you find in the sky?"

"Here? Nothing but stars." I run out of rocks and fold my hands into my lap "But at home, tonight they will shine those awful lights in memory of 9/11."

"9/11?"

"September 11, 2001. It's the year I learned that bad things happen." Closing my eyes, I try to picture just what happened that day "I was at school. I'd just started the third grade so I had to be 8 at the time, a few months short of 9."

"What is school? And third grade?" Fili asks and I sigh at having possibly woke him

"A place of learning. It's required in most places for children to attend at some point in their young lives for a period of time. Basic schooling in America, my country, lasts for 13 years. I was going into my fourth year, as the first is called kindergarten." I don't open my eyes but I hear him moving closer and into a sitting position. When he is quiet, I continue "My teacher had told us we were having quiet time and that she had to close the shades and turn off the lights for 'atmosphere.' She was strangely cheery which was odd to my classmates and I because she was usually such an even tempered woman.

One by one, each of my peers were called down to the office because their parents had come to get them. I remember thinking that I really hoped my mother would come and get me too. It was all so exciting to me." I scoff at my own ignorance at the time. In all honesty, I just didn't want to be the only one still at school "Sure enough, my mother did come. I skipped down the hall but when I came to where the office was, I grew very anxious."

"Why?" Ori's soft voice pipes up only to be shushed by his brothers. This time, I do open my eyes and groan at my audience. More than half the company is awake and listening. Ori, in a brave moment, glares at his brothers before turning back to me and asking once more "Why?"

"Because every one's parents were there. The halls were filled with concerned guardians who wanted to pick up their children. There were thousands of students in my school and each one of course had two parents even if both didn't come… It was over whelming to say the least." I shake my head and lean it back against the tree again. The coolness of the bark is as calming as the roughness of the texture "It wasn't until my mother finally got us, Leah, Leo, and myself, home that I knew what happened. Apparently, there had been a terrorist attack."

"What is that?" Bilbo asks and I fight not to grow annoyed. I should feel grateful that he doesn't know

"Its pretty self explanatory." I say through clenched teeth "It was an attack on my country for the purpose of inciting terror, fear, into my people with the hopes of also crippling our government. Everyone was worried that since they bom… set explosive fire to a few very important buildings in two of our major cities, that the terrorists might come for their children next."

"Did they?" Gloin questions gruffly

"Not that day."

"Explosive fire." Balin inquires and I turn to him with a nod "The explosion must have been massive."

"It was. The terrorists crashed, what I can only describe as, two giant steel birds into our cities. The collisions caused fires that spread quickly and cut off people from aid." I clench my fists so hard at the memory of watching the happenings that my palm begins to bleed "Many of the firefighters and policemen, everyday heroes that keep us safe from hurt, harm, and danger, died that day trying to save as many people as they could. So many lives were lost."

"Mahal…" I hear one of the dwarves whisper. I doubt Mahal or God want anything to do with that "You must have been so scared."

"A little. But not for me, mostly for my mom. She worked in the area where the … birds crashed and I worried that she could be hurt if she went back. Mostly though, I was angry."

" **There is no shame in that.** " Bifur softly comforts from beside a snoring Bombur " **You had every right to be.** "

"I was just so sad and mad at everything. I was mad at the terrorists for stealing the planes and at the people inside for not fighting harder. It broke my heart that they each had enough time to call their families and say good bye before they met their end. I was angry with my teacher for being able to wear that stupid smile like nothing was happening while people were literally burning to death. I knew everyone was just doing what they could but I couldn't help but be angry.

But mostly I cried for my peace of mind. A little part of my innocence, my untouchable safety in the world, had been taken away and I found that unforgivable. It was the most intense feeling I had ever experienced until the year after when the started with the lights."

"The ones ye have been searchin' for all night?" Dwalin develops my habit of looking into the trees to search for what can't be seen "They place the lights in the sky?"

"They shine them up from the place where the planes… birds crashed. Every year around this time. They put up those lights and shine them on my memory, forcing me to remember all that has been lost. I hate them with a passion simply because they exist but still… it is the way we honor those who died there."

"So it's a holiday?"

"A holiday?" My head snaps to the side so quickly, I can't even register who asked the question "Its is no more a holiday then the day Smaug stole Erebor. A holiday? No. It is the remembrance of death and mayhem to insure that we NEVER forget the horrors of that day."

"We apologize for not being as sensitive as we should, lassie." Balin offers and after a moment, I nod in acceptance "You seem very connected to this. Who did you loss?"

"No one. I lost no one." I admit because it is true. My mother was far enough enough to get away unscathed. My father was not in the city at the time. My Uncle was thankfully sick and did not go to work at the pentagon that day. I lost absolutely no one in the tragedy "I didn't loss a single family member but at the same time… I felt that loss. I don't know how to describe it. My chest ached for days and I would cry myself to sleep at night. I just couldn't get over it, I still can't get over the feeling that I lost… well…."

"Everything."

Thorin's low voice offers the perfect word to what I have been feeling for the past 14 years. The simple word had always eluded me, even though I say it on a regular basis. I guess I thought it made me feel selfish. Self centered. How could I, having been blessed with keeping my whole family intact, dare to feel any sort of loss for a few buildings that I never thought twice about before their demise? It just seems so terrible on my part. Lowering my eyes, I bob my head.

"Yeah. I don't deserve to feel this way." Tears well put the sides of my eyes and I rub them away angrily "I've no right."

"Thia. You've every right." I refuse to look up as the king comes to kneel before me. He is silent for a moment before his thick fingers grip my chin to lift it so our eyes meet "The day Erebor fell, I escaped with not only my life but those of my kin. Even so, the weight of that day hangs heavy on me."

"But you were there!" I cry out "Of course you feel it."

"I wasn't, lass." Bofur admits and I turn to him in confusion. The fact is already known to me "I was at home in the Blue mountains."

"Yes, I know that but-"

"But I still feel the loss." He persists, a look of extreme sadness etched into his usually gleeful face "It is not a loss for myself."

"It is a loss for others. A loss of life." Thorin releases my chin and smooths his knuckles along my cheek "You felt the hurt of your people and there is nothing wrong with that."

I want to deny his logic for there is barely any at all but I can't. For years I've felt guilty for feeling sad about something that honestly didn't affect me. Yes, I lost some of my worldly innocence, but I would have lost that anyway with age. True, my country was shaken by the happenings but my every day life was completely unchanged. It made no sense for me to feel so upset. But now, looking into the faces that carry expressions I so often wore, I feel less guilty about it. I bite my lip to suppress a sob that threatens to escape me but it's persistent. Throwing my arms around Thorin's neck, I bury my face there and soil his collar with my tears. He pats my back lightly, allowing me the moment I so desperately need. It isn't until I have calmed down slightly that I notice a small hot air Esq balloon type of contraption in the center of the camp. In it is a single flame that flickers in the low wind. Bofur brings it over to me, placing it gently in my hands.

"It may not be like the lights ye have back at yer home" he offers lowly "But I hope it will do."

"… You guys are the very best friends a girl could have, do you know that?" the group chuckles and I give them a watery smile before stepping away from Thorin and climbing into a tree. With much help from the company, I finally reach a high enough branch and release the makeshift light with a small prayer "God keep all the souls that were lost. Amen.

Thank you." I whisper to the group once I have finally gotten down. Making my way to my bed roll, I only stop when a sudden realization hits me "Third grade was a terrible year for me."

"We've heard as much." Nori expresses with a yawn, earning a head slap from his brother

"Not only 9/11 but… it's also the year I caught the chicken pox."

"And you lived?!" Oin howls, suddenly able to hear everything clear as day

"Mmmm but let me tell you, it was not a fun time."

"So… not a holiday?" Fili jokes and we all laugh

* * *

So, I usually skipped over all the travel conversations in 'An adventure of a lifetime' unless they were really important. What i thought of doing was adding a few one shots. This happens to be the first. Whether there will be others or not, I'm not sure but I really felt like doing something for 9/11. In reality, Thia's story is actually my own, if you take out all the wonderfully supportive dwarves. Even down to the chicken pox. Third grade sucked butt. This takes place before Thorin claims Thia but after they enter Mirkwood. Within the first week before everyone losses their minds. Thanks for reading!


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